Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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