Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
