why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
