I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
