WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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