Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
