I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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