Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
