My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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