I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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