loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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