my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
