a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
