when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think i got beer on your cat.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
