Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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