When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
