Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish I only lived at night.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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