my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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