There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
