Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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