Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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