sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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