if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had to cum in my sink.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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