why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
