his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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