he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
