I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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