Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
