sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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