No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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