Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
