My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
