so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
