that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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