You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
