you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
