I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
