Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
