his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
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There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
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i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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