How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
NoShamevember. You game?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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