So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
