Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
whose parrot is this?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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