i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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