nut hugger
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
