sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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