You really coming over, don't trick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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