College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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