omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
