this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
