GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
