Yo dont text me then not text me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
