I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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