Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
