I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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