My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
