we have pet lesbian snakes
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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