Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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