Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
