and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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