college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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