Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
