last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
