I need help removing her.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
