Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
