Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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