Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
