Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Need sex. Gaining weight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
