We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
