Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
