No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
wow bdsm is so cute
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
