How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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