My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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