Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
