Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
