its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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