we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
