She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
