Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
